Today is Ash Wednesday. The start of the 40 day season of prayer and fasting known as Lent. This period of abstinence from the luxuries of life is an opportunity to exercise greater self control and grow closer to God. It's a commemoration of the 40 days Jesus spent in the wildness, facing temptation by the devil. This fasting period ends with the celebration of easter.
I grew up in a house where the tradition of fasting for Lent was an annual occurrence. It's something my parents modeled, encouraging us to give up things we hold on to closely. For me this was often sunflower seeds or some type of snack.
Though it didn't seem like much, this seed of submission would come to be the tree upon which I lean on in my life today. Particualry within the past 2 years, fasting has taken on a new meaning for me. My senior year of college I found myself spitting lyrics to a rap song one day and seconds after the words settled among the atmosphere of my empty room, I became unsettled with the nature of my speech. I literally asked myself like woah is that what's in me?
From that moment I felt called to greater with my words. I would later find scripture in James 3 which talked about the power of life and death being in the tongue (a chapter which still guides me today). In 2021 I gave up using profanity. The goal of the fast was also to become more comfortable in my own silence and not to allow music to distract me. I realize now that God was inviting me into a deeper relationship with him. Through this journey I truly discovered "my voice". My writing evolved so much through documenting daily thoughts behind the cash register at Michael's. I was in the midst of writing my thesis at the time and poetically I was so inspired and pumping out so much content. I even started sharing on Instagram live and proudly kept the videos up. The whole experience culminated in me getting the privilege to write & perform History is Ours for convocation. When I stopped using certain words, my language expanded 10 fold because I was finally challenged to seek and find the language I needed to express myself at depths and complexities that profanity couldn't.
Now here I am today, back ready to submit again and take my life to the next level. I've still been struggling with poor consumption. The foods I eat aren't always the healthiest or most edifying and the frequency in which I snack is evidence of a lack of true nourishment and frivolous choices in wake of free time. It's easy to just go in the kitchen cabinet and grab something when I'm bored. Even if it's nuts and pretzels (a healthy evolution to what I used to snack on), it still speaks to me. I also lack discipline when it comes to the wellness of my body and exercise. I'll have some weeks being consistent at the gym or at home working out and then it just falls off. But the aim this time around is to lock in, go equipped with God's word and a refined commitment to excellence. There's definitely room for grace and I'm not perfect, but I feel it's important to be more progressive than I have before in these areas. I also want to stay off my phone more and get back into my books ! After finishing grad school there's definitely been a void in my intellectual stimulation but that doesn't mean I shouldn't still be finding more productive pastimes opposed to rotting my brain away on social media.
Overall I'm hopeful that this Lenten season will be a creative explosion and a building block for me to execute this years goals. I'm expectant and excitedddd.
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